O Manual do Tirano Árabe foi lançado, e está sendo tuitado enquanto eu digito. No Twitter, Iyad Elbaghdadi conta com a companhia de outros usuários na coletânea de todas as desculpas que ouvimos da parte dos governos dos países árabes que enfretaram manifestações pedindo mudança de regime e reformas, desde a revolta da Tunísia, no final de 2010.
Apesar de soarem como piadas, a tragédia é todas essas frases foram, de fato, ouvidas, registradas e divulgadas pela imprensa. Chefes de Estado e funcionários do alto escalão do governo continuam repetindo as frases – e elas ainda contam com público e apoio em seus países. Não vimos os militantes de Gaddafi torcendo e aplaudindo seus desvarios, como a promessa de aniquilar líbios que se opusessem ao seu regime a 42 anos no poder? Uma história semelhante se repete em toda a região.
A seguir, um apanhado de algumas das linhas que fazem parte do Manual do Tirano Árabe:
@iyad_elbaghdadi [1]: Say that the protests started as a pure youth movement but were “hijacked” by a foreign agenda. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [2]: Use religion. Call your state mufti and promise him a pay raise for the proper fatwa. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [3]: Say that the kids were tricked into protesting through X (KFC, Nescafe, drugs, sex, etc.) #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [4]: Call your favorite brown-nose celebrity (singer, dancer, soccer player, etc.). Ask to talk on TV in your support. #ArabTyrantManual
@L_Auvergnate [5]: When things get tough, make a first one hour speech around midnight to say how much you're dedicated to your country #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [6]: Say shooting on protesters with helicopters/jets/tanks is accidental #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [7]: Have a military parade. Say it's for the nation. It's actually to show them what'll come at them if they revolt. #ArabTyrantManual
@L_Auvergnate [8]: Pretend you're open for dialogue and will do the necessary while killing protesters #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [9]: Say that you ruled the country out of love and service and you have no desire for power and have no money. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [10]: Bring in the boogie man of your grandfather's generation: Colonialism & imperialism. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [11]: Hold a press conference to suck up to journalists. Then, send thugs after them to punch them and smash their cameras. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [12]: Stage demonstrations in support of your rule. But don't give them flags & banners. Give them 50 bucks & an AK47. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [13]: If foreign nations criticize, blast them for not understanding your culture. “In our culture, I rule. They obey.” #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [14]: Kill a thousand. And then say that you have no idea how they died because you haven't used force “yet”. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [15]: Have a charming interview with a famous journalist. Amanpour would do. #ArabTyrantManual
@kissmyroti [16]: Speak about supporting #humanrights in “insert preferred european language here”, then torture those asking 4them #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [17]: Foreign agenda X (where X can be: Islamism, Zionism, Israel, Iran, USA, colonialism, imperialism…) #ArabTyrantManual
@QuimFont [18]: Blame Israel and United States. Deposit checks from Israel and United States into Swiss account. #ArabTyrantManual
@defendfreespeak [19]: Scare people with talk about the Brother Muslimhood #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [20]: Say that your people are not ready for democracy. You have to pave the way to it, by acting like a complete asshole. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [21]: Say that you finally understand the people. “I understand you now.” #ArabTyrantManual
@studentIslam [22]: People don't revolt against you in their right state of mind. Al-Qaeda must be feeding them hallucinogenics. #ArabTyrantManual
@minimaliteter [23]: @iyad_elbaghdadi make unexpected, frequent TV appearances, saying nothing at all #ArabTyrantManual
@studentIslam [24]: Inform the uninformed that your country has no leader and that you are only a protector and brother to the people. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [25]: Say that you “got the message” and “will act on it soon”. Don't mention what “soon” means. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [26]: Tell them that if they don't go back home, the bad men will come and take away all their oil. #ArabTyrantManual
@AmbroseandDogII [27]: @iyad_elbaghdadi [A] THEN tell them that if they don't go back home, the bad men will come and take away their families. #ArabTyrantManual
@L_Auvergnate [28]: Invade the streets with the army to protect civilians #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [29]: Send your army into the streets. Say they are there to “protect the kids”. Have them kidnap and rape the kids instead. #ArabTyrantManual
@iyad_elbaghdadi [30]: Pull a Bundy (“four touchdowns in one game”). Brag about your wartime achievements for your country. #ArabTyrantManual
@L_Auvergnate [31]: Pretend your country is not like #Tunisia/#egypt/#libya/#yemen/#Syria ..#ArabTyrantManual
@EG_Freedom [32]: Launch a gratuitous propaganda campaign against a fast food chain like KFC cos you never know, it might help somehow. #ArabTyrantManual
@EG_Freedom [33]: Shut down communications and kill businesses even tho protesters will publish videos anyway when the inet comes back up. #ArabTyrantManual
@imstrawman [34]: if all else fails, get in front of the camera and play the ‘victim’ #ArabTyrantManual
@chanadbh [35]: #ArabTyrantManual Fly fighter jets over them to show them you mean business
@L_Auvergnate [36]: Scare everyone with AlQaeda #ArabTyrantManual
@L_Auvergnate [37]: Stage fake demos supporting you #ArabTyrantManual
@studentIslam [38]: You never wanted to be a dictator. Your service to the people proves that. #ArabTyrantManual
@studentIslam [39]: Declare you're an international leader, king of the kings of Africa, and your int'l status doesn't allow you to descend #ArabTyrantManual